mjrb a bilingual blog: March 2006

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Rocky 0.5

You should see the other guy!

The marks on Emilio's face in this photo are just scratches due to long finger nails (our fault) and not from his first fight. However, to get ready for what might come, I've started reading a very interesting and controvertial book titled Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishement to Reason and Love, by Alfie Kohn. It was recommended to me by Laura, a teacher from my school.

He argues that what children need is unconditional love, not a system of punishment and rewards (positive reinforcement) that implies that kids are loved for what they do (when they please us) and not for what they are. He calls that "conditional parenting."

The most interesting thing for me is that he believes that positive reinforcement, such as material (candy, toys) or verbal rewards (“good job” or “I really liked how quickly you dressed up for school this morning”) are simply forms of control (he calls it “exploit their dependence for our own convenience”). According to him, parents want their children to comply with their requests so they use praise to make children do what they want, often not really considering what the child needs.

He also believes that constant verbal praise can:
· Turn to background noise for some children (I actually have seen this in the classroom with those students we call “good.” They do what they are supposed to do and don’t respond to or need praise. I have also seen something else he mentions in the book: students whose parents have high expectations academically and are constantly pushed to perform “well” are the ones most afraid of failing and have trouble tackling challenging and new tasks I offer to them)
· Make children “addicted” to it, so the motivation to “be good” is extrinsic instead of intrinsic and they are always worried about pleasing their parents. He thinks that children feel that they are loved if they are successful or if they perform well . This point is interesting: he thinks most parents will deny this, saying that their children feel loved because you tell them that you love them always but he believes children are smart enough to see how happy the parents are when they do something good and they will want to repeat that behavior. Now, we all know that’s a good outcome but Kohn argues that we need to talk and get to know our kids and encourage them to do the things they want to do not the things we want then to do.
Kohn argues that this kind of reward system develops a type of self-esteem that is too contingent: “I feel good about myself only when… “

I love his style of writing, which is honest and humble but also full of scientific data (and references). He is a parent himself and shares personal stories.
I was amazed how much this theory resonated with me. I always cringe when I see parents pushing their kids to perform for others. I always think they are doing it more for themselves than for the kid.
I’m not sure what kind of mother I’ll become but I do know I don’t want Emilio’s happiness and self-esteem to depend on what I think of him. I want him to feel loved and respected no matter what he does.

For years now I’ve been trying to avoid material rewards in the classroom and I’m starting to see the negative effects of too much praise. It disturbs me to see how much my students depend on my opinion to feel good about themselves.
I’ve only read the first two chapters of Kohn's book but I get the feeling the rest will be as controversial and interesting.
It’s already provoking some great conversations between Steve and me. And we also had a great conversation about it with Jack and Julie.

Friday, March 24, 2006

With Mom and Dad/ Con mamá y papá

Any chance we have now when the weather is nice, we take Emilio for a walk. Sometimes, if it's not below zero, he doesn't even need the snowsuit and he can wear new outfits, like these new corduroy pants I got for him on-line (www.tuttibella.com )

Although we tried not to spend too much money on clothes, he is growing so I use that as an excuse to buy new things. Last weekend I went through his "old" clothes (from when he was a little baby) and made a pile for Jack and Julie. Steve said it was sad in a way to let these clothes go. I always heard people saying it's hard sometimes to see your children grow and I thought that was silly. Well, maybe it is not so silly after all. I was thinking about when he was really little and couldn't do much, just stay there in my arms. Now, he can kick himself out of your arms if you don't hold him tight.

Cada vez que el tiempo está lindo aprovechamos y sacamos a Emilio a pasear. Cuando no está bajo cero, incluso sale sin su traje de nieve y puede lucir ropa nueva, como estos pantalones de corduroy que le compré por Internet. Aunque intento no gastar mucho dinero en ropa ahora tengo la excusa de que está creciendo y ya no le entra lo de antes. Este fin de semana pasado preparé una bolsa con la ropa de él de cuando era “chiquito” para prestarle a Jack y Julie que esperan un bebé y me acordaba de cuando no podía hacer nada más que quedarse tranquilito en mis brazos. Ahora pega unas patadas cuando lo agarramos que si no lo sujetamos bien se escaparía.

Celebration/Celebración

Last Wednesday Steve and I joined my colleagues Julie, Jamie and Damaris and about other hundred Chicago Public school teachers in a ceremony hosted by the Chicago Education Fund to honor the new National Board Certified teachers. After a long year of hard work and collaboration we are all certified to teach in more than 40 states. I'm proud of my achievement, but I know I couldn't have done it with my colleagues help and support. Thank you girls!

El miércoles pasado, Steve y yo asistimos juntos con mis compañeras Julie, Jamie y Demaris y casi cien más profesores de las escuelas públicas de Chicago a una ceremonia organizada por la Fundación de Educación de Chicago para homenajear a las profesores que acabamos de conseguir la licencia pedagogica nacional. Despues de un año de trabajo duro y colaboración, todas podemos dar clase en más de cuarenta estados. Estoy orgullosa de mi logro, pero sé que no lo hubiera podido hacer sin la ayuda y apoyo de mis colegas. ¡Gracias chicas!

The evening started with great hors d'ouevres: smoked salmon, cheeses, scallops, spring rolls, delicious cakes and live piano music. (I once needed scallions for a recipe and bought scallops instead. It was another failed cooking experiment) They had free cocktails too, but
I didn't think it was appropriate for Emilio to start drinking alcohol so soon. It was fun to see some of my colleagues enjoying the free booze! (although I felt sorry for them the next day, ahem!)

La noche empezó con unos aperitivos muy ricos: salmón ahumado, quesos, moluscos, rollos de primavera, unas tartas deliciosas, y música de piano en directo. Tenían cócteles gratis tambien, pero no pensé que sería apropriado para Emilio empezar a beber alcohol tan pronto. ¡Fue divertido ver algunas de mis colegas disfrutando del trago gratis! (Aunque me sentí mal por ellas al día siguiente, ehem, ehem. . .)

Los Bellos Durmientes/Sleeping beauties

This is what Steve and Emilio looked like when I left for school this morning. It was hard to leave them! I wanted to lie in the couch with them and go to sleep.

Así estaban Emilio y Steve hoy cuando salí para el trabajo. Me dió mucha pena irme! Me hubiera gustado recostarme con ellos en el sofá y dormir un rato mas.

Last week, Emilio was on his tummy when I left. La semana pasada igual, pero Emilio estaba dormido boca abajo.

I can't wait to see what they'll look like next! A ver con que me sorprende la próxima vez!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Guapo y travieso

I love this picture of Emilio. He looks like he just did something he shouldn't have. I wonder, what kind of person will he turn out to be? So far, I think he'll be funny, like his dad and very active and loud, like his mom.

Me encanta esta foto de Emilio, en la que parece que ha hecho algo que no debería. Me pregunto que tipo de persona va a ser. Por ahora creo que será gracioso como el papá y activo y ruidoso como la mamá.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Cumple de la tia Gimena

Hola Gime,
Feliz Cumpleaños! Te queremos!

Mari, Steve y Emilio

Quinceañeros

It's hard to believe that 15 years ago today Steve and I kissed for the first time. This afternoon, after a figth and before he went to airport to pick up his mom, we tried to remember one thing about each year we've been together. Several things came up: trips to Morocco, Syria, USA, Bulgaria, Turkey, Russia, Jerusalem, China; graduating, getting certifications, finding jobs, new citizenship etc. We had a great beginning!

Now, with Emilio, we've started a new chapter. If the next 15 years are as good as the first ones I'll be the luckiest person in the world.

Happy Anniversary, mi amor!

Cuesta creer que hace 15 años hoy Steve y yo nos besamos por primera vez. Hoy por la tarde, después de una pelea que tuvimos y antes de que él fuera al aeropuerto a buscar a su madre, él sugirió que pensaramos en una cosa que pasó cada año. Salieron varias: viajes a Turquía, Marruecos, Siria, Jerusalem, China, USA; graduaciones, nuevos trabajos, nuevos certificados y nacionalidades entre otros.

Ahora, con Emilio, empezamos un nuevo capítulo. Si los 15 años que vienen son tan buenos como los primeros, me consideraré la persona más afortunada del mundo.

Feliz Aniversario, mi amor!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Perfect Weekend/ El fin de semana perfecto

As some of my colleagues at school know one of my favorite thing to do in the weekends is to take walks with Steve and Emilio. The weather so beautiful this weekend that we were able to take THREE walks!

The first one was on Saturday morning around our neighborhood. Emilio wore his corduroy pants for the first time. I felt pretty unoriginal when I realized everyone else had the same idea. Clark Street was so full of people it made me think of China: when we lived there, I felt there were hundreds of people around me all the time. (this was not the only time I was reminded of China this weekend) After walking for a little while, Emilio and I headed home (Steve stayed in one of this “offices”) and on the way, we stopped by the UPS store to say hi to one of the workers there who is expecting a baby. She loves seeing Emilio. We talked about the pregnancy book I got for her and about how she is getting ready for the baby.
Later that night, under rain and thunder the three of us went out again. This is probably one of the few times Emilio didn’t fall asleep right away. As a matter of fact this time he stayed awake for awhile, watched the lights and felt the breeze on his cheeks. I think he really enjoyed it.

Sunday was Dim Sum day with our friends from the Lamaze class. Angel and Dhyana brought

their 5 month old daughter Mariana to meet Emilio. I loved watching Emilio interacting with her. It was his first time with another small baby. He seemed to be really interested at first and then he started to cry. He looked really cute in his new dragon t-shirt. Dim Sum was delicious so we hope we can do it again some time.

Una de mis actividades preferidas (que creo que he heredado de mi madre) es dar paseos y ahora, lo que más me gusta es salir a pasear con Steve y Emilio. Este fin de semana el tiempo estuvo tan lindo que pudimos dar tres paseos. El primero fué por el barrio. Emilio y yo acompañamos a Steve a una de sus “oficinas” (en el camino compré chocolates) y después de pasear y dejarlo a él trabajando volvimos a casa. En el camino pasé a saludar a la empleada de UPS con la que charlo a menudo sobre todo ahora que está embarazada. Conversamos sobre el libro sobre embarazo que le regale y ella se puso contenta de ver a Emilio, que le dedicó una sonrisa.

Esa noche, a pesar de la lluvia y la tormenta que había no hacía frío asi que salimos los tres otra vez. Esta vez Emilio no se quedó dormido sino que parece que disfrutó de las luces y la brisa.

El Domingo, como hace la gente en China, fuimos a comer Dim Sum por nuestro barrio con Angel, Dhyana y su hijita de 5 meses, Mariana. Los conocimos en la clase para futuros padres y habiamos visto a Mariana el día que nació porque por casualidad justo nació el dia que tuvimos la ultima clase. Me encantó ver a Emilio interactuar con la niña. Parecía muy interesado. Espero que podamos quedar pronto otra vez y que ellos puedan pasar más tiempo jugando. En la foto, pueden ver que se puso un remera nueva muy linda con un dragon, muy apropiado para la comida.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

First Shave?/ Primer afeitado?

Emilio drools a lot so when we run out of bibs we just cover him with a cloth diaper (ah! where will we be without those cloth diapers?) In this picture we think he looks he's about to shave.

Emilio babea mucho, como todos los bebes me imagino, asi que cuando se nos acaban los baberos lo tapamos con un pañal de tela. En esta foto parece que lo vamos a afeitar, no?

Friday, March 10, 2006

The Big 4/Emilio cumple 4 meses

Emilio is 4 months old today and I celebrated it by eating chocolate cake (and spilling it all over him trying to make him smell it). I went out with some teachers from school today (girls night/afternoon out) and when I got home Emilio had just finished eating and was in good spirits. We played for a little while and he watched me eating my cake. He really enjoys watching me eat, especially when I make loud noises.

I think it’ll be fun when he starts trying new foods. Yesterday I bought a baby food cook book at Women and Children First and I’ll start practicing cooking food for him soon. I know it’s a little early but since I’m not a good cook I know I’ll need lots of practice. I would like for him to eat healthy and homemade meals as much as possible. (http://www.womenandchildrenfirst.com/)

A little while ago, while he was sleeping UPS delivered a huge box addressed to him. I couldn’t remember ordering anything lately and when I opened it I realized that it held presents for him for Kathy, Mike, Tao and Maya (from Denver). As soon as I saw the first giftI started to cry and I didn’t stop for about 7 minutes. Once I got ahold of myself I called Kathy to thank her for the gift: a very special quilt representing Emilio’s cultural heritage. On one side, it has the map of the world and on the other several objects/places representing him: half a U.S. flag and half a Spanish flag; the states of Illinois and Texas; the Great Wall of China separating the two flags and a mate(for drinking Argentinean tea), from Argentina. It’s just perfect! It also has a nice message written on it: “Emilio, this is your world. Cherish the beauty within it. Strive to change the rest.”

Later I looked at the rest of the items in the box and I loved every single one of them: boots for winter (for when he’s a little bit older), Chinese and Japanese outfits, the vest Tao wore when Kathy and Mike got married, a winter fleece and lots of great and colorful books. Thank you guys! Kathy and her family are going to Panama (where they have some land) for a couple of weeks and I hope they have wonderful time there. Hopefully someday, Steve, Emilio and I will be able to go there and spend some time with them.

Emilio cumplió 4 meses hoy y yo lo celebré comiendome una torta de chocolate (y manchandolo de migas mientras le di torta para que la oliera) Hoy salí con compañeras de la escuela y cuando llegué a casa Emilio estaba muy contento porque acababa de comer. Jugamos un rato y después él me miró mientras yo me comía la torta. Le gusta mucho verme comer, sobre todo cuando hago ruidos al masticar. Creo que lo vamos a pasar muy bien cuando empiece a comer comidas. Ayer compre un libro de recetas para niños en la libreria de niños y mujeres de al lado de casa y quiero empezar a practicar. Ya sé que es un poco pronto, pero como no soy muy buena cocinera mejor que empiece ahora. Me gustaría que el comiera comidas saludables y caseras en la medida de lo posible.

Hace un ratito sucedió otra cosa que hizo también que este día sea muy especial. Llegó un paquete con regalos de mi amiga Kathy de Denver y su familia. Apenas lo abrí y vi el primer regalo me emocioné mucho y llore un rato. Cuando se me pasó, la llamé por teléfono para agradecerle. El regalo era una colcha hecha por ella representado los orígenes familiares de Emilio. La colcha tiene de un lado el mapa del mundo con un mensaje que dice: “Emilio, este es tu mundo. Disfruta de su su lado bello. Intenta mejorar el resto.” Del otro lado, una mitad es la bandera de los Estados Unidos y la otra mitad la de España. También hay un mapa de Illinois, uno de Texas, la muralla China, un sol y un gran mate con bombilla representando a Argentina.

Después mire el resto de los regalos y todo me gustó: botas para el invierno, un abrigo, calcetines, ropas de China y Japon y un montón de libros hermosos. Muchas gracias chicos!